Little Bundle of Joy
by Citizen Cobalt 1
Summary: Kurma just wanted a nice weekend alone with Hiei. But the gods have a funny way of dealing with things. Yaoi. KH


Disclaimer: I don't own YYH. I do, however, own Himeno. She is a character I made up, so therefore she belongs to me. And don't go confusing her with the Himeno off PreTear. They only have the same name.

I will be attempting to update Always Tip the Waiter, but at the moments I am very unsure of how to continue. Hope you like this other fic I made up.

Place where the little stars go.

Ah. The weekend. A time of rest, relaxion, and all around laziness. Kurama sighed softly. Oh, the things he could do over the wonderful weekend. He could fix a romantic dinner for Hiei, mixed with a bit of aphrodisiac. Followed by sex, a hot bath, sex, perhaps a nap, and more sex. Maybe he should go pick up some supplies? Perhaps he could catch a rabbit? He would need some sake, too. Kurama continued along, unaware of the nasty and diabolical plot being hatched.

Place where the little stars go

"You think it'll work?" Botan asked Koenma nervously.

Koenma waved her away, "Of course! Who else is better for this?"

"I could think of a lot of people," George muttered from his desk.

"Shut up, Ogre!" Koenma threw his ink pot at George, smacking him in the head with it.

Place where the little stars go

"Hiei! I'm home!" Kurama toed off his shoes and set down his bag, waiting for his youkai lover to appear.

When no one appeared, Kurama decided that now was the time to hide a few of the supplies. He hurried up the stairs and into the master bedroom.

Now, if anyone's wondering why Kurama has the master bedroom, it's because he has his own house. Hatanaka kicked him out when he found that Kurama had a male lover. It could have also been the part about his being a demon, but Kurama thought that he reacted worse to the part about the male lover.

Once Kurama had stashed the items, he straightened as he heard a knock on the door. He frowned. It wasn't Yuusuke or Kuwabara. Not Botan, she still knocked on the window. Not Koenma, he never came himself. Who could it be?

Jumping over the banister and landing in front of the door, he opened it to find nothing. He blinked. Odd. A small noise caught his attention and he looked down. And all the blood drained out of his face. _Oh, Inari._

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Opening the window to their bedroom, Hiei pulled off his boots and set them down. He then unhooked his katana and set it by the window. There was no need for it in there. A loud noise suddenly caught his attention and he stiffened. Perhaps he would need his katana. What strange creature had managed to get into their house. Kurama was there, downstairs with the noise. Hiei frowned. _What is that?_

Grabbing his katana, he zipped downstairs into the kitchen. Kurama stood there, holding a strange bundle.

"Kurama." His red haired lover turned at his voice, "Hiei? Good, I need your help with this." He indicated the screaming bundle.

"Hn." Hiei drew his katana and Kurama instantly paled, "Not that!" he snapped. "Come here."

"Hn." Hiei edged closer as Kurama unwrapped the bundle. Hiei peered in at it and made a face.

"What the hell is that thing!" A pair of huge Green eyes looked up at him, set in a small face with a tuft of black hair at the top of its head.

Kurama sighed, "It's a baby, Hiei."

Sharp red eyes glared up at him, "A baby? Like a kit?"

"Yes, a kit."

"Hn. Why the hell do you have one of those!"

"I don't know!" Kurama shouted back over the infant's wails, "It was left on our doorstep!"

"Who the bloody fuck leaves kits on doorsteps! And why won't it shut up!"

Kurama rubbed his temple with his free hand, "It's probably hungry."

Hiei glared at him, "Then go get food for it! There's plenty of squirrels in the park."

It was Kurama's turn to glare at him, "You don't feed raw meat to human children!"

"Then cook it!"

"They drink milk from the mother until they're old enough to eat real food! We need to find milk."

"Hn. What about the ferry girl? Or Yuusuke's mate?"

Kurama frowned thoughtfully, "That could work..."

"Hn. Then let's go."

"I don't know...I feel like there's something I'm forgetting..."

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"Yuusuke! YOU, HENTAI!" SMACK! Yuusuke hit the tree headfirst and groaned in pain. Keiko glared at him and grabbed her bag. Preparing to march away. Or she would have, but she came face to face with Hiei and Kurama. She blinked, "Hiei? Kurama? Hello!"

Instead of giving his usual polite reply, Kurama's face remained blank. She glanced down and gasped. Kurama was holding a baby!

Hiei stepped forward, "We're looking for some one to feed this thing."

"Oh. Wow."

"Well?"

Keiko blinked, "Well what?"

Hiei glared at her, "You're a woman! Feed the damn thing!"

Keiko stared at him for a few seconds before what he said registered in her mind, "Y-you want me to...YOU, HENTAI!" SMACK!

Keiko marched away, red faced and mumbling about how all men are perverts.

Kurama smiled down at Hiei, whom now sported a very flattering hand print on his cheek, "That went well."

"Shut the fuck up."

Place where the little stars go

Botan hummed cheerfully and swooped down into the park. Kurama had called her a few moments ago and said it was a matter of the upmost importance.

She landed and smiled at Kurama, who was accompanied by a very sullen Hiei. Botan's eyes narrowed. Was it just her? Or did Hiei have a hand print on his cheek?

"Ah, Botan!" Kurama stepped forward, "We have this problem, you see."

Botan blinked, "Yes?"

Kurama smiled at her, "You see, we have this small problem that we figured a woman would know how to solve. So, of course, we came straight to you as you were the most obvious choice." Botan flushed. The most obvious choice? She frowned. She had to admit, she had been looking positively gorgeous lately, maybe people were starting to notice that she was indeed a girl. Her inner thoughts were interrupted by Hiei.

"Hn. I don't think she can do it." _Do it?_

"Yes, she can, Hiei."

"She can't feed that thing!"

"Why not?"

"She has nothing to feed it with!"

Botan glared at him, "Are you implying that I'm flat-chested? I assure you that I have perfectly...Wait, what does my breast size have to do with this!"

"Way to go, Hiei." Kurama snapped. Botan switched her glare to Kurama, "You better explain right now, mister!"

"Well..." Kurama held up a bundle, "We need you to feed this infant."

"...PERVERTS!"

Botan whipped out her oar and swung it at the nearest one, who just so happened to be Hiei.

"Ack!" Hiei ducked, zipped over and grabbed the baby, and zipped away, leaving Kurama to deal with the enraged Botan.

"Traitor!" Kurama dived out of the way as Botan decided to forget the oar and use her metal baseball bat instead.

"I thought you were decent, Kurama!" Botan shrieked as the red head dodged, "But you're just as perverted as Yuusuke!"

"I didn't mean it that way!"

"Yeah, right!" Kurama gave up trying to reason and took off running with Botan close behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and gulped. She was gaining on him! Who knew that she was this fast? Human females had to be some kind of genetically enhanced super-creature. Kurama abruptly turned into an alley, leaping over a stack of trash cans, never slowing down.

Place where the little stars go

"Stop crying!" Hiei glared at the baby, whose wails only increased.

"Shut up!" The baby stopped crying and gazed pitifully up at the fire demon.

"Hn, how old are you?" When the infant didn't speak, Hiei leaned down and opened its mouth so as to see its teeth.

"Hn. You don't have any teeth!" Unbeknownst to Hiei, as he was searching for at least a pair of fangs, one of the baby's tiny hands reached up a snagged a lock of his hair.

"What the-ow! Stop that!" The baby giggled and tugged harder on Hiei's hair.

'Stop tha-owwwwww!" Hiei reached up and jerked his hair out of the child's grasp. Large green eyes began watering and the baby whimpered. It opened its mouth and a large cry escaped. Hiei gulped, "No! Don't do that!" Growling, Hiei brought the child's hand back up to his hair. The baby immediately stopped crying and began tugging on Hiei's hair again, squealing in delight.

"Having fun?" Kurama hopped up onto the tree branch beside Hiei and the fire demon raised an eyebrow at Kurama's haggard appearence. The red head noticed Hiei's glance and glared at him, "Botan chased me for six blocks before I was able to loose her, no thanks to you."

Hiei shrugged, "It's your own fault for pissing her off."

"Mine! You're the one of complained about her breast size!"

"There is no way in hell she could feed a child with those!"

"She's female! We can't afford to be picky!"

"Hn." Hiei winced as once again the child tugged at a lock of hair. "We have to get rid of this thing."

"Oh? I always knew you weren't a family man, Hiei. I bring home a child, and this is the response I get? I thought you wanted a family!"

"...Stop that! You're starting to act like a woman."

"Sorry. I got carried away."

"So, how are we going to feed this thing?"

"Well," Kurama pulled out a small booklet, "I stole this from a stand outside a gas station,"

Hiei made a face, "What to expect when you're expecting?"

Kurama nodded, "It's mostly about the pregnancy, but a few chapters at the end talk about the baby after birth."

"Hn."

"Hm. Babies should be breast-fed for the first few months following birth, but powdered infant formulas were developed for women who are unable to do so."

"So Botan and Keiko would use an infant formula?"

Kurama shook his head, "I figured out why they wouldn't feed the baby. They can't because females only produce milk for a while after they've given birth."

"Well?" Hiei tapped the pamphlet, "Get one of them pregnant so they'll give milk!"

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that, Hiei."

"Hn. I guess we have to get some formula for Bika, right?"

"...Did you just call it Bika?"

"Hn."

Kurama poked Hiei in the side, "You can't call our child 'loudmouth'!"

"Why not?"

"We have to give it a real name!"

"Such as?"

"...Kina! Or Tomo, or Batsue!"

"We don't know whether it's a male or female!"

"...um..." The two demons stared down at the infant, who giggled happily. Hiei poked Kurama, "So check."

"Me?" Kurama asked indignantly, "Why me?"

"Because you know these things!"

"I know these things? Hiei, if you can't tell the difference between a boy and a girl, you have a problem."

"Don't human children look different when they're younger?"

"Just smaller!"

"So check!"

"Fine!" Kurama reached down and peeked under the diaper, "Um...I think it's a girl."

"You think?"

"Well, there's nothing down there!"

"Hn."

"Okay," Kurama opened the pamphlet once more, "We need powdered milk, diapers, and baby clothing."

"Just wrap it in a towel."

"That's not clothing, Hiei."

"So?"

"So, our child needs to be fashionable! Only the best! Perhaps some darker reds, and maybe some gold, bright red would clash with her hair."

"What the hell does that have to do with clothing?"

Kurama sighed, "Hiei, koi, darling, I've tried to teach you what I know about fashion, but I know that my efforts will always be in vain. But I'm not letting your horrible sense of aesthetics rub off on our child!"

"Hn."

"Good, now, we need to name her. I was thinking 'Himeno'."

"Hn. Tulip?"

"Yes."

"Figured you'd turn our child into a wimpy pansy."

"Flowers are not wimpy!" Kurama snapped, truly offended now.

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"Are too."

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are t-ow!" Hiei's head was jerked to the side as 'Himeno' let out a wail and tugged on his hair. Hiei pulled his head away, feeling several hairs get pulled out. He shoved the baby at Kurama, "You get the clothing, I'll get the food." Before Kurama could protest, Hiei disappeared in a blur of black.

Place where the little stars go

"Hm. Too frilly. Too plain," Kurama picked through the infant section in distaste. _Do humans honestly believe in dressing up their children like this?_

"Shuiichi?" Kurama gulped as he came face to face with about five of his female classmates.

"Oh, hello." The girls blushed and and squealed in delight as they noticed the baby, "Shuiichi? Is that your's?" Kurama nearly gagged as he was surrounded by the simpering girls, all who were cooing at the baby.

"What's her name?"

"Himeno."

"Tulip? She's so cute! Is she your's?"

"Oh, no, she's my cousin's."

The girls continued cooing at the baby, who gave them all a very Hiei-like glare. Kurama blinked. That was odd...

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_Where the hell am I supposed to find infant formula?_ Hiei growled in frustration. Why did all the signs have to be in Japanese? Why couldn't they use the Makai alphabet? Hiei decided that he would have to ask for help, no matter how much he despised the thought. He decided to try a middle-aged woman near the checkout. He tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hm?" The woman smiled down at him, "Why, hello there! Are you lost, little boy?"

Hiei frowned. The last woman he'd asked had called him a pervert for some reason. Maybe he could use the little boy thing to his advantage?

"Oh, no! I'm not lost!" Hiei tried to mimic the higher pitched voice of a child and smiled sweetly up at the woman. _The things I do. Kurama, you're paying for this._

The woman seemed to buy his act, "Aww! Do you need help?"

"Yes! You see," Hiei lowered his voice and looked around, "Mother just had a baby, and she sent me down here to get baby formula!"

"All by yourself? Aren't you a big boy!" The woman put a hand on Hiei's shoulder and led him down to an aisle, "The baby formula is down in this aisle, be sure not to get lost."

"Okay, thank you miss!" The woman went 'aww' again and walked away. Hiei felt like gagging. Okay, now to find that damn baby stuff. He walked down the aisle until he saw, on the top shelf, a box labeled Infant Formula. _Hn. That must be it. _Hiei tried to reach the box and found to his dismay that he was about a foot too short. _Damn_.

"Aww! Do you need help?" Hiei turned and found himself face to face with three of what looked like Kurama's fan club. _Oh shit._

"Um..yes?"

"Oh! He's so cute!" One of the girls exclaimed, pinching Hiei's cheek. Hiei glared. No one. Absolutely no one, pinched his cheek!

"Here you go!" A girl handed him the box and he glared at her, which caused her to squeal in delight. Hiei stared at her for a few seconds before inching away. Human females were so strange.

Place where the little stars go.

"Okay, I have the clothes, Hiei." Kurama held onto Himeno, who was now clothed in a very stylish mini-kimono, "Isn't she cute?"

"Shut up, I got the damn food." Kurama raised an eyebrow at Hiei's attitude, "You seem grumpy, we don't like grumpy people, do we Himeno-chan?"

"Now you talk to the thing?"

"It's a baby, not a thing, Hiei." Kurama smiled softly, "She's so cute, isn't she?"

"Hn."

"Do you have the food?"

"Hn."

"Good, a friend of my mother's in the store had an extra had an extra bottle of milk and let me give that to Himeno, so she's been fed."

"Hn."

"Here." Kurama handed Himeno to Hiei, who glared at her. Himeno only giggled.

Kurama sighed. _There goes my weekend. There goes the sex every half hour. There goes the sex-sleep-eat cycle. There goes my plans._

"Hn. Let's go home. I'm hungry."

Kurama nodded, and the two started home. One of them was thinking about wasted plans, and the other was silently cursing the one who made up the world 'cute.'

Place where the little stars go

It's been reposted, with a couple changes. Next chapter will be up eventually.


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